Im 19 and have ocd tendencies and intrusive thoughts. B*astiality is a huge trigger. Recently i remembered that when me and my friend were like 11 or 12, i saw that he had youtube link tab saved named horses mating, on his computer. When i remembered this i got super anxious. Im pretty sure he was just a curious kid but im scared what if hes a creep?? I dont want to talk to him about this, he'd get angry. Weve known each other for like 10 years. Is he inherently a creep bc of this? Im so scared
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Hi love,
Thank you for reaching out to Asking Jude. This is a tough situation. I understand where you are coming from, but I’d like to play devil’s advocate. At 11/12, this person was still a child. Children are curious about the world and might not be as ill-willed as you assume it to be. Maybe he just stumbled upon it on the internet, maybe someone sent it to him and he didn’t understand what it was. There are many ways this might have gone.
Judging him based on one isolated incident might be unfair to him. You said that you’ve known him for ten years, you know his personality by now. I totally understand how you might feel uncomfortable, that is a very sensitive topic. However, if that is the only incident where this has happened, I do not think that you can classify him as a creep because of this. Since you said that was a trigger, maybe your mind interpreted the situation differently than what happened. I do not think you need to be distraught about the situation.
However, if it does make you uncomfortable, I would suggest you bring it up to him. Just say that you saw it on his computer and how it made you feel. If you both consent to have a calm conversation, then by all means you should do that. However, if the friend refuses to talk about it or is uncomfortable, you should not push the topic and just let it be.
Your feelings are valid, and you deserve to feel comfortable and supported in your friendships. Friends are supposed to lift you up and make you happy. So if this is a dealbreaker and something has shifted between you guys, it might be worth thinking about. Don’t make an impulsive decision, think about it with a clear mind.
Here are some resources that might help:
-https://tinybuddha.com/blog/conflicts-with-friends-13-ways-to-communicate-without-drama/
-https://www.themix.org.uk/sex-and-relationships/friendship/how-to-confront-a-friend-3318.html
-https://www.nbcnews.com/better/lifestyle/how-tell-friend-they-ve-upset-you-without-making-things-ncna1034576
-https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/lifetime-connections/201711/confronting-conflict-friends
Wishing you all the best,
Manisha